


Untitled Goose Jango

by virdant



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Untitled Goose Game Fusion, Crack, Fix-It, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26645839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: It is a beautiful day in the Galaxy Far Far Away, and Jango is a murderous goose.Or, an untitled goose game inspired fix-it AU.
Relationships: Jango Fett & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 36
Kudos: 318
Collections: The Temple Archives





	Untitled Goose Jango

**Author's Note:**

> y'know, sometimes you're having a nice conversation about the logistics of food in the sw universe and the next thing you know you're saying "mandos are geese" and you're writing an untitled goose game inspired AU.
> 
> thank you to all of the lovely discord folks for, as always, embracing my ridiculous.

It is a beautiful day in the Galaxy Far Far Away, and Jango is a murderous goose.

Jango wakes every day as he always does, to the thought of impending chaos. Today, however, is better than the average day. There is, after all, a Jedi on Kamino. He can see the ship docked, has seen the Jedi being led around…

The Jedi has a lightsaber hanging from his waist, and it twinkles in the light as he walks.

Jango wants.

The Jedi is talking to Lama Su. His focus is nowhere near the ground, though people say that the Jedi are always aware of their surroundings.

He steps out.

PAT-PAT-PAT, his webbed feet slap against the sterile floor as he rushes forward, wings arched behind him for aerodynamics. He snatches the lightsaber from the Jedi’s belt as he passes, and then PAT-PAT-PAT, his feet slap against the floor as he rushes away, prize in beak.

It is a beautiful day, after all, and Jango is a murderous goose.

* * *

The Jedi is standing in the doorway to his room.

“HONK,” Jango says.

“Hello there,” the Jedi says, smiling. “I believe you have something of mine.”

“HONK,” Jango snaps.

“I know you took it, but I’d really like it back.”

“HONK HONK.” He flaps his wings for good measure.

“You didn’t _find_ it so much as you took it off my belt. I’m not sure finders-keepers applies in this situation.”

“HONK HONK, honk HONK.”

The Jedi sighs. “I suppose we did get off on the wrong foot, but stealing my lightsaber isn’t really the right way to get my attention. Very well, I am Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Jango honks back.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Jango. Have you been to the Core recently? Coruscant, perhaps?”

He honks disdainfully back.

“You’re absolutely capable of flying a ship, I have no doubt about that. And you’ve shown great stealth and speed. I’m sure you’re a very good bounty hunter. Which is why I don’t doubt that you’re the bounty hunter I’m investigating.”

“Honk.”

“Yes, well.” Obi-Wan kneels down, smiling. It puts them at eye-level. “Perhaps we could come to an agreement.”

* * *

Once upon a time, Jango was the fiercest Mandalorian goose to roam the lands. He honked at his enemies, buffeted them with his strong wings, and bashed them with his beskar-clad head.

And then, a terrible fate was bestowed on him, and he made his way to Kamino to serve as a template for a clone army for the Jedi.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says, surrounded by the miscellany that Jango has squirreled away from the Kamino scientists through many years of strategic theft, “About that army.”

They’re all very fierce, Jango assures him. And very determined. They’re a good army. Very strong. Very disciplined.

“You wouldn’t happen to know who commissioned it, would you?”

Jango honks. All Jedi are about the same, after all. Tall, with shinies dangling from their belts, and long robes that are easy to pull to get them to trip.

Obi-Wan sighs back. “An army falls into the Senate’s lap right as a war is about to break out. What a coincidence.”

Jango honks back.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan agrees. He picks up Jango’s helmet, forged specifically to accommodate his beak so Jango could grab and peck to great effect in battle, and settles it carefully. “This is very suspicious. What are we going to do about that?”

Jango’s been on Kamino for a very long time, has a collection of miscellany that he’s loathe to give up. This lightsaber would be the crowning jewel of Jango’s collection. But Obi-Wan is insistent that Jango cannot keep his lightsaber, but he is welcome to steal the lightsabers of any Sith, if Jango is willing to compromise.

Jango thinks: it’s a pretty good compromise. And Obi-Wan is very pretty and very good at making sure his helmet fits properly.

He honks back.

* * *

There is a lightsaber in the desk drawer of the Chancellor of the Republic. Jango can sense it, the way he can sense the best things to steal from unsuspecting bystanders. Obi-Wan very willingly smuggles him into the Senate and sets him loose in the halls.

He snatches passcards from aides! He hides behind pillars when guards make to chase him away! He sneaks and waddles and before long, he’s in the Chancellor’s office, prying open the desk drawer with his beak, and honking with triumph at the lightsaber.

It is, it turns out, a Sith’s lightsaber, and Obi-Wan is very willing to let Jango keep it for his collection as they arrest Chancellor Palpatine and slap him in Force-restraining cuffs. 

It is a beautiful day in the Galaxy Far Far Away, after all, and Jango is a murderous goose…

…with a _lightsaber._

**Author's Note:**

> now with [art!! from aliche/adinavdeb](https://adinavdeb.tumblr.com/post/630332908480135168/it-is-a-beautiful-day-in-the-galaxy-far-far-away). please go check out murder jangoose on her tumblr!!
> 
> ways to talk to me:
> 
>   * Follow me on twitter [@virdant](http://virdant.twitter.com)
>   * [Like & retweet on twitter](https://twitter.com/virdant/status/1308723387531800577)
>   * Comment and kudo below
> 



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